Community Part II
Voices
If you have a circle of friends who never challenge you, never confront you, never call you higher, you don’t have a circle. You have a cage. And cages are built to keep things contained, manageable, and tame.
A cage can feel safe. Predictable. Comfortable. Inside a cage, no one asks hard questions. Truth is not welcomed—at least not truth that costs anything. Everyone nods. Everyone affirms. Everyone keeps the peace. The unspoken rule is simple: don’t rock the boat. Don’t disrupt the equilibrium. Don’t risk the relationship.
But peace without truth is not peace. It’s avoidance.
Men often mistake comfort for brotherhood. They gather with men who laugh at the same jokes, share the same vices, complain about the same people, and quietly agree never to press too hard. They bond over nostalgia, sports, and sarcasm, but never over confession, courage, or change. Nothing sharp is allowed in the cage. Nothing that might cut, refine, or expose. Growth would require friction, and friction would threaten the arrangement.
So the cage stays intact.
What looks like loyalty is often just mutual cowardice; an unspoken pact to protect one another from the discomfort of growth.
Real brotherhood is dangerous. It sharpens. It exposes. It interrupts patterns that feel normal but are slowly killing you. Scripture says, "Iron sharpens iron," and iron sharpening iron is not gentle. It sparks. It resists. It requires pressure and heat. The Bible never promises that growth will be comfortable—only that it will be good.
A true circle gives you truth and affirmation. It loves you too much to lie to you. It cares more about who you’re becoming than how you feel in the moment. A cage keeps you who you are. A brotherhood calls you to who you could be.
And here’s the uncomfortable truth: most men aren’t trapped because they lack opportunity. They’re trapped because they’ve curated safety and ease. They chose agreement over accountability. Familiarity over formation.
Brothers, freedom doesn’t come from fewer voices. It comes from better ones.
If your circle never challenges your spending, your marriage, your parenting, your habits, your faith, or your leadership, then it’s time to call it what it is. You are not surrounded. You are contained.
Who Are You Listening To?
In a world where everyone has a platform, the real question isn’t who’s talking—it’s who are you listening to? Who is shaping you? Who is speaking into your life? Your heart?
I typically meet two types of men. The first solicits the 'yes.' He surrounds himself with men who tell him exactly what he wants to hear. Like a naked, bongo-playing McConaughey, everything is green lights. Every idea is brilliant. Every impulse is affirmed. Every decision is baptized with encouragement.
The second lives under the 'no.' Critics surround him—a nagging wife, an overbearing boss, a past filled with unprocessed hurt and trauma. Even the simplest decisions feel scrutinized. Any forward movement carries the weight of two steps back. He doesn’t feel free; he feels watched.
Here’s the problem: constant affirmation and relentless criticism both stunt a man’s growth. One breeds arrogance and immaturity. The other breeds fear and paralysis. Neither produces transformation.
You don’t need more noise. You need the right voices.
Four Voices Every Man Needs
My friend Jon Tyson once spoke about biblical archetypes drawn from Revelation 4:7—the Lion, Eagle, Ox, and Man. These archetypes represent distinct but equal voices every man must hear if he wants to grow.
The Lion is authority—the voice of truth, permission, and constraint.
The Eagle is prophetic vision—new perspective and possibility.
The Ox is the laborer—the one who makes it practical and real.
The Human is the friend—the one who offers presence, empathy, and encouragement.
Picture a man sitting in the center of a circle while these four speak into his life. This isn’t "sharing is caring." This is advancing.
The Lion tells you where you are.
The Eagle shows you where you could be.
The Ox explains how to get there.
The Human carries you when you’re exhausted along the way.
Jon admits this can sound hokey, like Fight Club therapy for Gen X men. But if you suspend your cynicism, what you’re really looking at is a framework for transformation.
Let me show you.
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Example #1: Losing Weight
The Lion says: "I’m going to be honest, you’re fat. Not chubby. Not ‘a little heavy.’ Fat. Your wife is being kind, not attracted. Your kids don’t want a dad who’s a health liability. It’s time to stop lying to yourself."
The Eagle says: "Transformation stories change people. You’ve seen them—the guy who was worse off than you and now looks like a college athlete. You can do this. What you’re ashamed of now will become the strength that inspires others."
The Ox says: "Let’s sign up together. Three days a week. Intermittent fasting. Cut sugar. We’ll grind."
The Human says: "I know the last season has been heavy. Pizza and ice cream numb the edge—but we’re not teenagers anymore. Metabolism is real. I love you. I’ll walk with you when you screw up. Ride or die."
Example #2: Forgiving Your Father
The Lion says: "You must confront your dad in love. This passivity has gone on too long. The pain you won’t transform, you’re transferring onto your wife and kids. You’re repeating what wounded you. It’s time."
The Eagle says: "Imagine the generational breakthrough. Think about the healing—not just for you, but for your family line. Your courage could give other men permission to reconcile too."
The Ox says: "I’ve walked this road. Here are the tools, resources, and practices that helped me process my story. I’ll meet with you regularly if you want."
The Human says: "I’ll pray while you meet with him. Afterwards, we’ll debrief—whatever happens. Forgiveness, denial, rage, or repentance… I’m not going anywhere."
Why You Need All Four
Too much of any one voice is dangerous.
Only permission? You become selfish and immature.
Only vision? You die dreaming, talking about greatness but never tasting it.
Only correction? You grow discouraged, always bracing for the next knife.
Only comfort? You soften, lose resilience, and forget how to hunt—like a fat cat who can’t chase mice.
Men grow through truth, vision, action, and brotherhood—together.
Jon is right: "You need these voices to push you into your calling and pull you out of your past."
Maybe sitting in a circle with men feels awkward. Fine. Start alone. Sit at a table and think from each perspective. Or imagine Jesus speaking to you with each tone: truthful, visionary, practical, and compassionate.
The method matters less than the obedience. Don’t just hear what you want to hear. Listen to what you need to hear.
For the King,
— Harp
I recently did a 'growth' exercise. I ask some lions, eagles, oxen, and humans in my life five questions:
What do you see me do that is uniquely effective?
What do I bring to the room that nobody else brings?
What should I stop doing because it doesn’t play to my strengths?
Where do you see God’s evident favor in my life?
If you had to bet the Kingdom’s money on me doing one thing, what would it be?
Their answers and insight were incredible, both encouraging and challenging me. I’ll take their input, process it, and put it into practice. I’ll use it to grow in 2026.
The cage vs circle distinction cuts deep. What really landed for me was the idea that most men curate comfort and call it loyalty. I've watched entire friend groups operate like holding patterns, everyone co-signing each other's stagnation becasue pushing back feels like betrayal. The four voices framwork is smart but the real test is whether a guy actually seeks out the Lion when things are going well, not just when life forces it. In my experince the Ox is the hardest to find because most people want to philosophize about change, not grind through it.