Kids — Part II
Get married. Have babies. Train em' up.
PSA: This week, I backed out of a commitment. I hate not keeping my word. I am not sure there is anything that bothers me more. It’s my fault. I over-committed. I own it. I had to reach out and ask for my commitment back. And I could not, in good conscience, publish the article below without admitting that. In fact, I confess, I am a commitment junkie. I love to help, serve, and go. I have parameters. Before committing, I ask three questions: Is it in my wheelhouse [men’s ministry]? Does it benefit my family? Is it the best use of my gifts and time? But more often than not, I can justify any engagement. I’m a junkie.
Not this weekend. I wanted to be home. I needed to be home. I need to be home more. Which is why I am saying "no" for the rest of 2026.
Every week, if not every day, I get speaking requests. It’s incredibly humbling that people would want me to come and share. It really is wild to me. Looking at my calendar, my 2026 is full. And as much as I want to serve, a "yes" at this point is a "no" to my family. So… I’m out. For those gatherings we have on the schedule, no worries, I’ll be there, ready to go. For everyone else, 2027 is your best bet, but it won’t be for long [reach out to Emma King for requests eking@betterman.com].
Love y’all, but I love my family more. My greatest fear isn’t failure. It’s spending my life performing for everyone… and belonging to no one.
And there is no place I want to belong more than home.
I have five summers left with my daughter before she leaves for college [or wanders into the wide world]. It went fast. I have been intentional. I want to be more international. My presence in her life is everything. More than anything, I want her to know, love, and follow King Jesus. I want her to see Jesus in me. And I’m important. Every dad is important. For decades, the research has said the same thing… "the strongest predictor of whether a child will make their parents’ faith their own isn’t programs, it’s the relationship with their father."
Studies by Vern Bengtson and Christian Smith both found that emotional closeness with a father matters more than youth ministry, Christian schools, camps, peers, even more than closeness with mom.
Dads matter. I matter. You matter.
So where do we start? We start with presence. Emotional closeness doesn’t happen at a distance. You can’t disciple from the sidelines. Proximity matters. But proximity alone isn’t enough. You can be physically near and still relationally and spiritually absent. Presence requires a plan.
It’s not just being close. It’s being close with direction: intentional, engaged, and consistently guiding your kids toward Christ, not just existing alongside them.
Proximity without direction simply makes you roommates. Proximity with direction is discipleship.
Someone you know needs the wild rumpus? Pull the trigger. Sharing is caring
Here is the good news. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel. The great cloud of witnesses that went before us has laid out a plan.
Do you know which Christian faith traditions have the highest faith transmission rate [kids who choose to maintain and practice their parents’ beliefs]? It’s not the Pentecostals, Catholics, Anglicans, or the Baptists.
It’s the Amish.
The Amish have a 90% generational retention rate. Obviously, many factors contribute to this: strong social ties, shared cultural practices, and separation from the larger society. But there is something else, a secret sauce…
The Amish are only required to have 3 books in the house, which are stored in the middle of the home. These three books represent 3 categories every home needs to build a faith for the next generation. They are:
The Bible [Scripture]
A Hymnbook [Song]
A Book of Martyrs [Stories]
As my friend Jon Tyson recently said… "SCRIPTURE, the story of the home. SONG, the soundtrack of the home. STORY, the heroes of the home." Jon continues…
"Every father is called to be a priest in his home. The one who loves the Word [Scripture ] and teaches and shares about Jesus. If you want your kids to love the Word, you have to be passionate about the Word. If you want your kids to believe the gospel, you need to burn for the gospel. If you want biblical literacy, you have to be biblically obsessed. This doesn’t mean you have to lecture or give sermons, but the truth, doctrine, worldview, and promises of the Bible should dwell in you so richly that it leaks out of you in joy and sorrow.
Your house should be a house of worship [Song]. The music you share, the songs you sing, and the atmosphere should be one of joyful praise. I think it’s helpful to have worship music on quietly in the background when kids wake up, when you drive to school, and at night. It begins to seep into the heart, getting beyond the rational defenses.
Every family needs to know the heroes of the church [Story]. The saints, martyrs, mystics, and missionaries inspire us to deeper devotion to Jesus and expand the imagination of the young beyond the borders of the Western, lukewarm church. They also need to know your family story and heroes, how you came to follow Jesus, and why your house has chosen to serve the Lord.
Paul wrote to the Corinthians [1 Corinthians 10:11], “These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us, on whom the culmination of the ages has come.” We have two thousand years of history of people faithfully following Christ to draw on, as well as the Patriarchs, Prophets, and People of God from the Old Testament. Get beyond the celebrities, sports heroes, and influencers of this age into the great cloud of witnesses who are cheering us on."
Jonathan Edwards once wrote, "Every Christian family ought to be, as it were, a little church, consecrated to Christ and wholly influenced and governed by his rules."
Brother, you are the priest, prophet, and king of your home. You don’t have to be perfect, but you do need to be present. And you need a plan:
Scripture. The story of the faith.
Song. The soundtrack of the faith.
Story. The heroes of the faith.
Read it. Sing it. Tell em’ about it. This is a great place to start.
For the King,
— Harp
In my feels today. I get it Harry…