No Country for Old Men

The door greeting and parking lot team is not the end.

"The trait that stands out about Boomer Man is how genial he is. He makes small talk with the Ethiopian lady who rings him up at Trader Joe's, compliments his neighbor's summer landscaping, and makes funny faces at small children on airplanes and in restaurants. He goes out of his way to help elderly people, which at this point means people five years older than him. He was socialized in the softer, more civilized norms of 1950s and '60s America, and it shows." — Jeff Giesea [Jeff’s take on the generations is so good]

Seventeen years ago, my life changed when a 70-year-old retired pipefitter with a 6th-grade education told me I had the 'countenance of the Lord on me.' I replied, 'I have no idea what that means...'

He proceeded to teach me. He showed me. I did not know what it meant to be a man, more so God's man, until he showed up in my life. We laughed together. Cried together. Read Scripture together. We cut grass together. Replaced toilets. Went on mission, shared our faith, and hiked to Hidden Lake at the top of the Road to the Sun in Northwest Montana. I loved that man. One of the greatest honors of my life was preaching his funeral a few years back. His love and guidance transformed me.

The crazy part? HE approached ME. A new believer lost in a church bigger than the town I grew up in, he sought me out. I did not know him. But he saw something in me, and my life was forever changed. He taught me so much. He showed me the good I should imitate and warned me of the bad (from his past) I should avoid. What I would give to go back in time with a camera, recorder, or notepad—so much I gained, even more that I missed.

How much are we missing today? There are massive generational gaps both inside and outside the church. These gaps make it almost impossible for experience and wisdom to transfer from generation to generation. It would appear that the only thing being transferred today is wealth, which, divorced from wisdom, does more harm than good.

Older brothers, I need you to listen. Put down the paper, turn down Fox News, and lock in… Brothers, we need you. I need you. And I’m not talking about your wealth. I am talking about the treasure trove of experience and wisdom you have accumulated over the last 60+ years. Generations of young men need it. Your guidance is invaluable.

“You think when you wake up in the mornin yesterday don't count. But yesterday is all that does count. What else is there? Your life is made out of the days it’s made out of. Nothin else.” — Cormac McCarthy

Get to Rebuilding

We cannot become what we cannot define. As men, we do not know what to do with our manhood and our masculinity. We've lost our identity. But you, older men, have the power to show us the way, to show us what it truly means to be a man.

In the 1970s, the predominant culture said, 'I don't need a man.'

In the 1990s, culture said, 'I don't want a man.'

And today, everyone is asking, 'What is a man?'

Men today are lost. We live in a masculinity fog. Men don't know their purpose in the world, their purpose in the Church, or their value. As a leading feminist thinker recently said, 'The world needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.'

When was the last time you heard a teacher, a politician, or a preacher say publicly, 'Men, we need you.' Culture has either outsourced or canceled much of what it means to be a man, and where they have not been able to destroy manhood, they've said, 'We don't need you. You're the problem…'

Brother, you are either helping solve the problem or contributing to it. Like Nehemiah, you know the walls are broken, and the gates are burned. You can either rest in the ruins or get to rebuilding. What will it be?

You Are Qualified

The latter part of your spiritual life is not reserved for the parking lot ministry (no offense—I am on the PL Team at my church—a certified golf cart driver).

You have SO much more to offer. And I get it, you do not feel qualified. You're thinking, "I've screwed up my life." 

"I messed up a marriage. Or two..."

"I cheated."

"I lied." 

"I worked too much."

"I didn't work enough." 

"I wasn't there for my kids." 

"I have failed in business."

"I have disappointed people." 

"I have hurt people."

Maybe so, but the truth is, you are no worse than Paul. Or Peter. Or Isreal—the fainthearted, fearful, neglectful children of God. 

And just like Paul and Peter, God took hold of your heart and transformed it.

Did God remove your heart of stone? Have you met Jesus and confessed Him as your King and Savior? Do you understand your inheritance, your adoption, your access to the promised life that is in Christ?

If you can answer 'yes,' then you are qualified to disciple someone—you are called to be a spiritual parent. 

And the world needs you. The Church needs you. We need you.

There is much we can learn from you—what to do and what not to do. We need you to reach out. Tap us on the shoulder and say, "You have the countenance of the Lord on you." And, as we look back, baffled, tell us that you know the way. You'll be surprised how many of us will follow.

Ready to follow,

— Harp

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It is worth saying that I am a man after God's own heart. I have a beautiful wife and four amazing kids. I am active in my church and community. I lead the largest men's ministry in the country, and people introduce me as Dr. Chris Harper.

And I have all that because of a pipefitter. I am standing on the shoulders of a giant, a 70-year-old pipefitting giant with a 6th-grade education.  

Don't tell me you have nothing to offer. There is a generation of spiritual orphans, young men who are lost and need spiritual fathers. They are waiting for someone like you to reach out and guide them.

Need a starting place? Try BetterMan. A frictionless resource aimed at getting younger men in the room with older men. Your home/community/church will never be the same.