Words Matter
Speak Life
This past weekend, I received one of the best affirmations I have ever received. A brother in Christ told me that every day, he shows up and fights the good fight. And he was in the fight because he saw I was in the fight. The fact that I was fighting the good fight encouraged him to stay in the fight—he said, "I fight because I see you fighting, so keep fighting..."
His words encouraged me. They honored me. They spurred me on. They gave me life. Words like his help me stay in the fight. Like Mark Twain said, "I can live for two months on a good compliment."
Today, more than ever, men need affirmation. They need encouragement. Compliments are wanted.
A study published by Dr. Jim Macnamara shines a light on culture's war against men. Dr. McNamara's work featured an extensive content analysis of mass media regarding men and the male identity. The study involved a detailed analysis of over 2,000 media articles and program segments, focusing on news, features, current affairs, talk shows, and lifestyle media.
Dr. Macnamara discovered that the overwhelming majority of mass media reporting on men was damaging. In fact, 75% of all media portray men as villains, aggressors, perverts, or womanizers. These four 'types' of men dominate all aspects of contemporary media, often manifesting in stories, characters, and songs that portray men as violent, sexually abusive, unable to be trusted with children, deadbeat dads, and commitment-phobic. This leads to a negative cultural assumption about men: they are useless, or they need to be annihilated.
Recently, I was working with a large church, helping them best engage the men they have and reach the men they don't. Looking for a 'quick fix,' they asked if there was anything they could do immediately to help alleviate the struggles, pressures, and battles men face. I said yes. The answer is simple: encourage the men.
No more dad jokes that belittle men.
No more easy jabs for quick laughs at the expense of fathers and husbands.
No more guilt-ridden Father's Day sermons [Next to Easter, Mother's Day is the most attended Sunday. The least attended? Father's Day].
When you see a man doing what he is supposed to do, call it out. Celebrate it. Create a space where men are welcome, celebrated, and affirmed. When you see a man walking across the parking lot with his family, pull him aside and tell him, "Brother, we see you. We are proud of you. Keep going." When you see a young man walking into church, pull him aside, dab him up, and tell him, "Brother, we are proud of you. We are glad you are here. We know how hard it is to stay faithful in today's world. Keep going."
The average man filters at least 30 negative comments daily, many aimed at him. I am convinced that most men don't need therapy; they simply need encouragement. They need the affirmation to outweigh the adversity. They need the applause to be louder than the nagging.
Boost men, don't belittle them. I have a daily practice: every day, I aim to affirm and encourage at least three men. Every day.
Words do so much damage in our world today. The Bible says that we will have to give an account for every idle word we speak.
I think people have forgotten Jesus said that.
As my friend Jon Tyson says, "So many of us are walking around with shrapnel in our souls from things spoken over us years ago."
Careless words create casualties in the world. This is why so many men resemble the walking dead, striving and yearning for a positive word to cancel out the negative words spoken over us:
You're fat.
You're lazy.
You're a loser.
I wish you were more like your brother.
I am so disappointed in who you have become.
You always.
You never.
Why can't you just….
I never really loved you anyway.
You're fired.
I'm leaving you…
I know someone who was incredibly successful. Their life imploded in a public and tragic way. When I asked how it all fell apart, their response:
"I guess my dad's words are still the loudest in my head."
Every day, we encounter the walking wounded. Yet every one of us carries the hope and promise of an encouraging word.
Speaking life.
— Harp
https://open.substack.com/pub/poetpastor/p/there-is-greatness-in-the-mirror?r=5gejob&utm_medium=ios
Great word brother. Encouragement can be difficult to give, especially if we are beaten down. I was a good dad and husband, but I wasn’t leading well. I protected and provided for my family, spoke the scripture to them and sang praise songs with them. But I was only focused on my family. Your words at the COMO conference 3 years ago started a spark. I have been fighting every day for men, and it’s because I see you leading the charge. I see you fail, yet not give up. I have a few good men I have surrounded myself with that keep pushing with me, picking me up when I fall. Thank you for fighting daily, you will never know the impact your ministry has had on the world around you.