Things Change: Rules for Life
Begin with the end in mind...
"Words do two major things: They provide food for the mind and create light for understanding and awareness."—Jim Rohn
"I like good strong words that mean something." — Louisa May Alcott
The Rite of Passage must start with the end in mind.
As I call my sons out, I call them up to something more. What am I calling them to?
Five specific changes I hope to see in their lives [I'll give you two today and three later this week] :
A RELATIONAL CHANGE
Boys learn to relate like men within a community of other men [i.e., women can’t teach boys how to be men].
In a world that pushes and prioritizes peer-to-peer growth, I prioritize multigenerational interaction. I intentionally introduce my boys to men of all ages, stages, and backgrounds. Uncle DeLario, Uncle Will, Uncle Jon, Coach P, and Pastor Eric are older men my sons can look up to. I encourage my sons to be SEEN and HEARD—to listen well, ask questions, and seek wisdom [Proverbs 4:7].
Every chance I get, I bring my son(s) along as I interact with other men. I let them see the process and results of iron sharpening iron versus a bunch of dull butterknives clanging together.
Over time, my boys will learn to relate to men, as men. As these men brush up against and rub off on my boys, my sons become immune to the inundation of feminine empathy. My boys rise as they are pushed by other men. These interactions will mature and deepen their emotional connection with the world and those in it.
A PSYCHOLOGICAL CHANGE
Over time I help my sons shed the naïveté of their youthfulness by intentionally inviting them into challenging circumstances. I create safe places for them to succeed and fail. Every day, I am reinforcing the Rules of the Few:
RULE NO. 1 — Fight entitlement. When possible [which is almost always] choose hard work over handouts.
RULE NO. 2 — To get, give. Always extend your giving hand first. With anything, give first. With everything, give your all. Give without remembering and receive without forgetting.
RULE NO. 3 — Bring the Few Energy. In every moment of every day, exude grit, gratitude, and go.
RULE NO. 4 — Welcome pain. Comfort is a slow death. You have pain from your past and pain in your present. Do not simply bury it. Allow God to transform it. Your pain has a purpose.
RULE NO. 5 — If you risk nothing, you risk everything. Remember... "A ship in a harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for."
RULE NO. 6 — Luck favors hard workers. Make your own luck.
RULE NO. 7 — Die growing. Our motto is growth to the grave. Disciples are forever learners.
RULE NO. 8—Plan your day. If you have no plan, expect no progress. The plan does not have to be perfect. You can be firm and interruptible. First thing, do the hard thing.
RULE NO. 9 — Choose effort over your excuses and emotions. Always. No matter your feelings, choose to DO while you FEEL. Feelings are valid, but rarely are they true.
RULE NO. 10 — Restore the dignity of hard work. There is nobility in aspiring to live quietly, minding your own affairs, and working with your hands... [1 Thes 4:11].
[BONUS] RULE NO. 11 — You are who you hunt with. Everybody wants to eat, but FEW will hunt. Surround yourself with the FEW.
These rules push against simple and selfish thinking and promote growth and maturity as my boys develop real-life wisdom that enables them to navigate the complexities of adult life.
Boys do not become men by accident. I am on a journey with my boys—an intentional journey on an ancient path. I'm not guessing where we're going. I start with the end in mind.
The Few,
— Harp
**The Rules of the Few is adapted from one of my fav sites, Few Will Hunt.
One of the pillars of our BetterMan ministry is that you cannot become what you cannot define. Words matter. And definitions are essential. Looking for a simple, straightforward, biblical, theologically accurate definition of what it means to be a man? We got you.
I love how you emphasize the importance of multigenerational relationships. It’s so true that boys need to learn from men of all ages, and your commitment to introducing them to role models like Uncle DeLario and Coach P is so needed. These relationships will have a lasting impact on their emotional maturity and understanding of what it means to be a man. The "Rules of the Few" are dope! Each rule encapsulates essential life lessons that resonate deeply. I particularly appreciate the focus on welcoming pain and discomfort as a pathway to growth. It’s a powerful reminder that challenges can lead to invaluable life skills. Your encouragement to choose effort over excuses is something I believe we all need to hear more often. It’s evident that you’re not just guiding your sons; you’re on a meaningful journey with them, and that intentionality will shape them into remarkable individuals. Thank you for sharing your experiences and wisdom—it’s a great blueprint for anyone looking to raise the next generation with purpose.
Your Little bro,
D. Melson
Great list of things I aim to do every single day. Me and my friends/Christian brothers had it out on the text messaging group today for good causes. The discussion was about perfection on this side of Heaven; even from different places in Mississippi, we can learn, mature, and be transformed by God and each other by seeing sparks fly as we (iron) sharpen each other. Thankfully, I am a Christian and was so grateful for the truth, agreement, and love. Brotherly love had been spoken of in church last Sunday and revival is coming up this Sunday. I think that the rules that you share here are phenomenal, and let's not forget how much the Lord is doing to help us all be better men by Betterman and progressively becoming better men. Thanks for the substack article here, it's another notch in the milestone marker of growth and manhood.
Dustin Randle