Tell the Truth
"The end of confession is to tell the truth to and for oneself." — J. M. Coetzee
"Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God." — 1 John 4:15
I think we confuse confession with apology. I frequently hear men say they must confess, only to proceed and tell God they are 'sorry.'
An apology is not a confession; they are similar but not the same thing. When you apologize, you express regret for something true—something that happened—an action, a careless word, blatant evil.
A confession is simply stating something true. To confess something means to speak the truth. Can you confess something you did wrong? Absolutely. And you should (Psalm 32:5; James 5:16). But, more often than not, confession has little to do with what you did wrong and more to do with what you need.
As Christians, we are called to be people of perpetual confession. One of my favorite theologians believed that the Christian life should be anchored in confession (Bonhoeffer). Not only confessing our sins but also confessing all that is true about us, true about God, and true about His word.
Imagine what this would look like:
Before starting your day, you confess, "Lord, I love you. You are good. Your mercies are new every morning. You are my rock and my shield, my hope is in you."
Before entering your meeting/presentation/interview, you confess, "Lord, I need you. I feel inadequate. I feel ill-prepared. Lord, I need your help."
As finances get tight, you confess, "Lord, I have not been the best steward. I'm unsure how we will make it, but we know we will. Take us to the other side. You feed the birds of the air and clothe the lilies of the field. How much more will you do for those that you love?"
As you face pain and loss, you confess, "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
As you bring a well-worn day to a close, you confess, "The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance."
All day, every day, we offer up these confessions, silent prayers that please the Lord. Every day there are a hundred different times, in a hundred different ways, that we should be confessing. Imagine how light and free we would be. Every burden. Every setback. Every advance. Every victory becomes an opportunity to acknowledge the character and promises of God.
The beauty of confession is that it unearths whatever is inside of us. It brings our guilt, hope, shame, strength, sadness, doubt, fear, love, and inadequacies into the light. In the light, that which is good grows—that which is not good begins to fade away. Confessing your love for God helps you grow in love towards God. Confessing your fears and doubts puts God on notice and allows His Spirit to work in and on you. This is why biblically (and theologically) confession often leads to repentance. And true repentance makes way for transformation.
"Confession of errors is like a broom which sweeps away the dirt and leaves the surface brighter and clearer. I feel stronger for confession" — Mahatma Gandhi
Talk to Yourself
When Martin Lloyd Jones wrote Spiritual Depression, he said every "Christian should listen to himself less and talk to himself more..." Instead of listening to the lies we believe about ourselves, we should speak God's truth over our lives (and the lives of others).
In a way, Jones was advocating for confession. If confession is stating a truth, then yes, absolutely, we should always talk to ourselves. Constantly speaking God's truths over ourselves is the only way to fight the lies of our enemy.
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." — Mark Twain
Confession
Allow me to confess. This weekend, I was not a good husband [or father]. It is wild how one moment can ruin an otherwise tremendous weekend.
I took my oldest son to a men's event outside San Antonio. The men who attended the event were like-hearted and open to the Spirit's work. It was easily one of the best events I've done this year. I got to spend time with my son and charge up a group of men in the way they should go as dads, husbands, and followers of King Jesus.
On Sunday, I made the five-hour journey back home. I was tired, spiritually and emotionally. It was a good tired but tired nonetheless. When I opened my front door, my good tired quickly turned into a bad tired. My wife was exhausted from having my toddlers all weekend, and she did not greet me with the level of enthusiasm I thought she would. Her remarks felt like complaints. My boys, ecstatic to see me, immediately wanted to wrestle, run, fight, and jump all over me. Their actions and volume were turned up to 11. My newly minted teenage daughter didn't even notice I was home. And the house? It was a wreck from the boys playing all weekend.
No one could agree on what to have for dinner, and finally, after allowing the frustration and hunger to win, I went and picked up takeout, and everyone got what I wanted. Food in hand, as I was pulling into my drive, the drink carrier slid off my console, dumping copious amounts of Coke Zero everywhere inside my truck.
I lost it—and ruined the night.
Nowhere did I speak the truth or practice confession. I kept everything inside until I couldn't. Not once did I ask for God's help, my wife's help, or the Holy Spirit's help. Not once did I tell Him my needs or cling to His promises. I didn't talk to myself. Instead, I yelled and cursed at everyone and everything in my way.
The result? Lots of apologies. I am still apologizing today, actually. Which is another gem in the crown of confession: more often than not, regularly talking to yourself [and God] saves you from apologizing later.
— Harp
Last night was an awesome night. I felt super connected to the family and to God, really trying to exemplify the servant’s heart of Jesus that He’s asking me to mimic. We’re on vacation with my wife’s family (two sisters and mom/dad and kiddos) and I have spent the last two nights cooking and cleaning and really going out of my way to serve and love. And I started to feel unnoticed. I know they are busy and enjoying time with the family but it felt like I was falling into an expected roll and got a bit exhausted. My 14 yo son in the meantime has been basically babysitting his little cousins who are…energetic…and all he’s hoping for was some time to spend with me. Instead, I blew up at him as we went to bed when he expressed some sadness of missing his friends at home. I wanted him to be grateful for vacation. (Which he is, but I fully projected my own selfishness on to his confession). He’s not looking for a dad to make dinner and clean, he’s looking for a dad to look him in the eyes, see him, and simply spend time with him. I went to bed totally defeated. Yes, God is asking me to have a servant’s heart, but I never once confessed ANYTHING as the pressure started to build up. Not only that, I believe I’ve missed a large part of what serving my son actually looks like. Thank you Harp for this awesome lesson and reminder of what confession actually looks like. Timely to say the least.
I have been very busy with a larger than normal workload, having to take some of the housework typical to my wife on myself as her job has mandated extra work time, each kids is involved in something, trying to continue to be the servant at my church, planning, praying and prepping for a men’s conference in May (which I feel extremely ill-prepared for and under-qualified to run) and not enough time in the day, while also running a non-profit organizing donations and trucks to take supplies to Western North Carolina where my family lives running a distribution center to survivors of Hurricane Helene. It is a lot, but I don’t believe the Lord has released me from any one thing, and gives me a renewed sense of purpose and energy each day for the things He has called me to. However, today I realized the toll it has taken on me emotionally and spiritually. We are organizing bills due to some surgeries for our kids last year that have buried us in bills. I thought I had it lined out, then my loving bride asks why I didn’t take care of one of the bills that she asked me to. I didn’t remember her saying it, I really thought hard and couldn’t come up with it, so I stated that I didn’t know about it. She responded a little sternly that she had reminded me about it. I insisted not and we had it out. Each of us sure of our position. Then she shows me the messages that back up her side.
The kids were being loud, we are both tired, we have missed important time to just “be” together, the trash didn’t get taken out and we hear the garbage truck coming up the road, we are not packed for the weekend at the youth fall retreat we have to be at this weekend, etc and I blew up. She blew up. We gave each other a reason to have a bad day. And it happened on my watch.
Had I listened to her previously, or this morning, we would have seen that I missed something and taken care of it. It’s not the big things, it’s all the small confessions, speaking truth into my wife instead of proving that I was right. What did I gain? Instant regret and a wife who is now defeated even though she “won”.
Speak the little truths to your kids, your wife, and yourself, I promise His word will not return void.